What makes you cry?
by gleekyk
Summary: Set after The Leap and before Definitions. Robin shares something with Barney that she's never shared with anyone before. One shot.


**A/N: This takes place between seasons 4 and 5. It's just going to be a one shot. Robin shares something with Barney that she's never shared with anyone before. ****I'm not sure how I feel about this story, but I figured that I'd post it anyway.**

Barney wasn't one to let a girl stay the night after the sex was over, but Robin wasn't just another one night stand. True, she wasn't his girlfriend, he wasn't sure what she was to him, but he knew that she was more than just sex. That's why he always let her stay the night. He actually enjoyed waking up to her, having the occasional morning sex and maybe even some cuddling. Barney couldn't remember the last time he voluntarily cuddled with a woman. Their relationship was different than Barney any had had in years. He found himself wanting to go out to breakfast with her. He was actually interested in how her day went. He enjoyed the long stories that she told about her life back in Canada. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to know what made her laugh and what made her cry. He wanted to know her as well as he knew himself.

"Who was your first love?" Barney asked. It was the moments between sex and sleep that were usually filled with jokes, laughter, kissing, and of course, their favorite: cuddling. It was something that he had been wondering for a long time, though, even before they had started whatever it as that they were doing together.

"My first love?"

"Yeah. I mean, you know all about Shannon, but who was the first person that you really loved?"

She sighed. "His name was Dean."

"That's all I get?"

"Okay, fine. He was Dean, and I was young… 19 to be exact. I didn't exactly have the best self esteem when I was younger."

"Right, daddy issues?"

"Well, he… I guess he made me feel like I was pretty, and I kind of needed that. It's stupid. It was stupid."

"No, keep going. I want to know."

"Well he was cute." She said with a sigh. "And he was six years older then me, which was a really big turn on for some reason. He was a hockey player, which of course was a turn on."

"Why did you guys break up?"

"It's… it was stupid. We just… we juts fought a lot."

"You're a horrible liar." He said with a smile. "What happened?" He asked, touching her arm so gently that it made her want to tell him everything that he wanted to know. She wanted to kiss him until his lips were sore, and then do more, so much more. Right now, he wanted to talk though, which though it was something that she didn't prefer to do, especially with guys she slept with, it was okay with when she was with Barney.

"Okay, well… I was kind of a bad girlfriend. I never had a steady boyfriend, and I wasn't sure how it worked exactly. He was really easy to trust though."

"Did he break your trust?" Barney asked. He wanted to know everything that made her tick. He wanted to hear every heartache, because that meant knowing her better.

"I mean… I guess. Really, it's not a big deal, we just… I guess it started when the sex started. I guess it wasn't really sex… kind of. I don't know."

He laughed lightly. "You don't know?"

"Are you sure that you want to hear this?"

He looked at her seriously. "If you want to tell me then I want to hear it."

"Okay… well I was scared because I was so inexperienced and he was so… experienced. I didn't know if I wanted to do, you know, it, with him yet, so I didn't, but he was really impatient, and he was starting to get really mad about it. So um… one day he just… we just… I don't know how it happened. I didn't want to… but Dean was stronger than I was, and I tried to fight him, Barney, I really did, but damn Dean was so strong. And after he told me that he loved me. He convinced me that I was the one that was crazy. I ended up apologizing to him, and then he forgave me, told me that he loved me and still wanted to be with me. It's really not a big deal though, I mean I guess it bothered me for a while, but not anymore."

"Robin." he said, quietly. "Robin, he raped you."

"That's kind of a harsh word."

"No it's not. When you said no… he ignored that." He wished that he could find that nineteen year old girl that was so scared and hurt and tell her that she was too good that Dean guy, then take her in his arms and make all of her insecurities go away. "What happened next?" He asked, knowing that talking about this was what Robin wanted. If it wasn't then she wouldn't have said anything to him.

"Well I stayed with him of course, because I loved him, but he had a temper. He got mad really easy, and I seemed to know how to make him mad. I always… I always set him off. I mean it wasn't that bad I guess. Except the one time that he, uh, he just went too far I guess. I don't really remember what happened. I guess I blacked out. He wanted to take me to the hospital, but I wouldn't go. I knew what would happen to him if I went and I didn't want to get him in trouble. Do you want me to stop?" She asked, looking at him, afraid that she was exposing too much of herself too quickly.

"No." Barney said. "What happened next?"

"Well I mean, it's hard to cover up bruises. It's really hard. People start to not believe the excuses that you make up. It probably didn't help that I was a horrible liar. Make up can only cover up so much. So all of my friends, and his friends started to wonder what was going on, and they were starting to not believe me when I said that he didn't hurt me, so he told me that he couldn't be with me anymore. He said that he didn't want to be with me because I brought out the worst in him. I begged him to stay with me. I was so… pathetic. I begged him not to leave me, but he did anyway."

Barney soothingly rubbed her arm. He knew that he couldn't stop her pain, but that didn't mean that he wasn't going to try.

"I just… I was so stupid and young. I didn't know how to be in a serious relationship."

"If you did, then you would have gotten out, right?"

"Well, if I knew then maybe our relationship would have been different."

"Because you would have left him, right?"

"I would have known what to do differently."

"Robin." He said, sitting up for the first time since their conversation had begun. She joined him, noticing the serious look on his face. It wasn't a face that she was used to seeing on Barney. "I need you to tell me that you know that none of this was your fault."

"I mean, it takes two people to mess up in a relationship, right?"

Barney shook his head. "You didn't do anything to deserve what he did to you."

"Our relationship wasn't a normal relationship."

"It was an abusive relationship."

"No, no, no. I mean, our fights got physical, but that happened sometimes."

"No." Barney corrected her. "That only happened when a sick like Dean puts his hands a woman as awesome as you are." He looked at her and saw nothing but beauty and love. "Why would anyone want to hurt you?"

"It really wasn't my fault?" Robin asked as if this thought had never occurred to her.

"Not even a little bit." He assured her. "How long did this happen for?"

She shrugged. "Like a year."

"That's… so long to be living like that."

"Am I an idiot?" She asked, refusing to hold her tears back any longer. "How did I not know that this isn't normal?"

Barney took her in his arms. "You're not an idiot. You thought it was normal because you'd never been in a relationship and you didn't know what to do."

"I was so scared, Barney." She said, falling into him, not attempting to control her sobs. "I was so afraid of him, and I thought that it was okay, but every time he touched me my skin crawled."

He ran his fingers through her hair until she was able to compose herself enough to sit up and look at him. "You're… being really nice to me about this." She could see that his mind was wondering. "What are you thinking?"

"Sometimes… when I touch you, or take you by surprise, you flinch. I thought that it was nothing, is it nothing?"

"I guess in every relationship that I'm in, I'm just waiting for the day to come where I make him snap…"

"I promise that I will never hurt you the way that he did." Barney said, never meaning words more than he did at that moment. "I will never in my life hurt or let anyone else hurt you the way that he did. I don't care what happens between us, I'm your protector for life." She smiled at him, knowing that what he was saying was true. He had managed to break down her walls with one question, and it felt so good.

"I never told that to anyone before." She admitted, laying back down. "I was always too afraid of how people would react."

"Are you glad that you told me?" He asked, laying down next to her, and taking her back into his arms.

"Yes." She said. "Because now I know that you're never going to hurt me." She sighed. "Well, I guess that really I always knew. You and Dean are two very different people."

He kissed the top of her head, wishing that he could take her memories of Dean away from her. He wished that he could have been there to let her know that she was too good for Dean in so many ways. While he was thinking about how much he hated Dean for what he did to Robin, and how badly he wanted to protect her, he came to a realization.

"You're my girlfriend." He said out loud.

"You're my boyfriend." She mumbled into his chest without hesitation.


End file.
